Torture numbers, and they’ll confess to anything. – Gregg Easterbrook

A small country nestled between the international hotspots of Afghanistan and Turkmenistan, the Republic of Kebabistan does a darn good shawarma.

No arguments here!

Maria, don’t look now, but there’s a guy at the bar and I think he likes you.

Then have we got the gift for you.

Kendall Crollus and Anne Montgommery have finally put together the book that was just crying out to be penned. Following on from Anne’s incredible success with, Why Vacuum, When you can Lick the House Clean and Kendall’s release from Cliche Acres, comes their long-awaited best-seller.

“It just sort came to me one day,” snorted Anne, fondling a cucumber and kinda looking in two directions at once.

“Now I’ll always be able to smell Pepe Peablewood,” beamed a clearly psychotic Kendall, wearing a beanie that was once, quite obviously, Schnauzer.

Chapters include, “Mexican chic – the Poodle poncho” and “Getting the shit off your Shepard – elderly Alsatian hair preparation“.

Roger practiced the deep breathing exercises he’d learnt from the anxiety CD he got from his mum. Britney Somerville may have found him “repulsive” and “gross” in the past but that was before the plain-wrapped parcel had arrived from Japan. Today was the start of a whole new era of cool. The knife arms would persuade her. Oh yes, the knife arms would persuade her.

Though less frisky and certainly more tardy over the jumps since the incident, Michelle was impressed with recent savings in food costs and was considering moving Señor Clip Clop into her apartment with a view to further savings.