I find a glass of Pure Mike cleanses the palette after a serve of Fresh Dave.

If that was me in that video I’d live off the glory for the rest of my life. I’d probably sit in a pub near a surf beach and get a flat-screen tele made that could hang around my neck and I’d loop that video indefinitely. Underneath the screen on my t-shirt it would say, “that’s me in that video” with an arrow pointing to the video. I’d drink rum and smile and be very happy that I was alive.

That’s what I’d do if that was me in that video.

The man with the animals – purveyor of fine breakfast TV comedy since 1956.

Sold my car, bought an Innocent Smoothie.

The time was right. Vladimir would share his secret. He whispered into the ear of his close friend Yuri, “rearrange these words comrade: nuts is Svetlana freakin”

It’s interesting to note that in the current market, the price of God and the price of Salmon is exactly the same – $5.99 a kilo!

Two things I love in a t-shirt: a profound message and length. The search is over!

Jorge woke on Tuesday and without warning, there it was; a fashionably-challenged brunette growing out the back of his head.

If pressed, Ira Stinklefinger would say she was equally proud of both her boys. But secretly she wished Shane was more like Peter.

The poster looked amazing, I stood majestic. But to hold the next meeting at the stables off Waterford Avenue, well, that was simply a stroke of genius.

Now, if I could just find the right balance of tact and sincerity to tell Megan that I fancied the shit outta the back half of Roger and Susan’s centaur, Maximus.