Then have we got the gift for you.

Kendall Crollus and Anne Montgommery have finally put together the book that was just crying out to be penned. Following on from Anne’s incredible success with, Why Vacuum, When you can Lick the House Clean and Kendall’s release from Cliche Acres, comes their long-awaited best-seller.

“It just sort came to me one day,” snorted Anne, fondling a cucumber and kinda looking in two directions at once.

“Now I’ll always be able to smell Pepe Peablewood,” beamed a clearly psychotic Kendall, wearing a beanie that was once, quite obviously, Schnauzer.

Chapters include, “Mexican chic – the Poodle poncho” and “Getting the shit off your Shepard – elderly Alsatian hair preparation“.

Every once in a while I get an overwhelming desire to get my life in order. At most, these phases last a week and generally they’re very productive periods that set me up for the protracted lazy periods in between.

I begin with lists. Plenty of lists. I’ll resurrect my backpack account, I’ll update online calendars, spreadsheets sprout like newly sown lawn, bills get paid and I’ll start writing letters and emails with an almost evangelical zeal.

This last week has been just such a week. It was while writing a particularly lengthy letter to my friends (don’t slip on the sarcasm) at Paypal that I recalled a favourite book that I haven’t come across in a while.

I beg you all to read, “The Timewaster Letters” by Robin Cooper (aka Robert Popper) who corresponds with all manner of organisations requesting or suggesting the bizarre, the obscure and the downright dubious.

The comedic genius lies not only in Robert’s letters but in the replies he receives. It’s a simple idea, executed brilliantly and something only a Brit could ever hope to get away with.

Take a peek at a letter or two online and then go on over to Amazon and grab yourself a copy. I got a list to get back to.