Then have we got the gift for you.

Kendall Crollus and Anne Montgommery have finally put together the book that was just crying out to be penned. Following on from Anne’s incredible success with, Why Vacuum, When you can Lick the House Clean and Kendall’s release from Cliche Acres, comes their long-awaited best-seller.

“It just sort came to me one day,” snorted Anne, fondling a cucumber and kinda looking in two directions at once.

“Now I’ll always be able to smell Pepe Peablewood,” beamed a clearly psychotic Kendall, wearing a beanie that was once, quite obviously, Schnauzer.

Chapters include, “Mexican chic – the Poodle poncho” and “Getting the shit off your Shepard – elderly Alsatian hair preparation“.